James Franco is taking it easy today after going hard all night at Winnie's, the onetime Chinese mafia hangout and current downtown New York karaoke dive. Excited by the opportunities of such a populist activity, Franco performed such hits as Prince's Little Red Corvette, Santana's Oye Como Va, and Paula Abdul's Opposite's Attract.
James Franco has decided to go on the upcoming Real World/Road Rules challenge, despite the fact that he has never appeared on any of the Real Worlds or Road Rules, but strongly feels that he lives day to day in "the real world," and thus qualifies. On set, he realizes that his real world doesn't consist of mandated Underarmour shirts, protein powder and 'roid rage and realizes what a horrible mistake he's made.
James Franco has discovered the joy that is Dungeons and Dragons, spending all day at his friend Ted's house playing the board game and making figurines. Franco is as impressed with the mythology that surrounds D and D, as the game itself and is currently working on a way to adapt this experience for the big screen.
Thinking he's read all of the text books for his PhD courses in English and film studies at Yale and the digital media courses at Rhode Island School of Design, James Franco is presently writing his own text book, with the working title of From Spiderman to Spiritual Transcendence. It will have a limited readership.
James Franco's latest performance art piece, a commentary on consumerism and television, led to today's appearance on The Price is Right. He was hoping to play Plinko, but instead got Line 'Em Up. He won a new car! In his excitement, he forgot he was doing performance art.
They argued about if the dickey should go over a shirt or over a bare chest. Once again, both have misunderstood the dickey.
James Franco spent the day in a cave dressed as a bear. He was inspired by Werner Herzog's new 3D documentary Cave of Forgotten Dreams, which he heard is a great movie, but hasn't seen it yet. It is likely he misunderstood what the film was about.
The Joaquin Phoenix impostor that was supposedly running amok around TIFF last week was revealed to be James Franco, who was also at the film fest promoting his new film 127 Hours. Franco admitted to the hoax today, explaining that his impersonation was his way of protesting the film I'm Still Here, which Franco described as an unauthorized biopic of his own life.
James Franco spent most of this morning trying to get in touch with the people at Hollywood Reporter after an Internet story detailing the actor's affinity for self pleasure went viral yesterday. Mr Franco was not upset that the story reported his penchant for masturbating up to five times a day, something he admitted to doing. He was merely curious as to why the writer failed to include other activities the actor enjoys up to five times daily, including eating grilled cheese sandwiches and texting haikus to strangers. As a feature writer himself Franco felt this was top flight information and was a missed opportunity.
James Franco walked the street of Toronto depressed after finding out that the Cumberland Theatre was running screenings of his critically panned movie Annapolis. The sight of the movie poster on a nearby wall brought back horrible memories for Franco about a time when he was motivated more by commerce than the need to create meaningful art. The modern day renaissance man worked tirelessly to block the memory of Annapolis, and spent most of the day at some of the city's more obscure museums in an attempt to rid himself of those awful memories. He is currently visiting the Bata Museum of Shoe History.
James Franco spent so much money on his recent art projects and installations that he spent the day as a part-time carney, needing income until royalties from his newest film comes rolling in. In true Franco fashion, he worked the Skee-ball and Whack-A-Mole games, ran the Ferris wheel and perfected the candy floss technique.
Today, James Franco drank some whiskey and coke, cranked up the Bob Seger and danced around his house in a white shirt and underwear. Upon realizing that his parody of Risky Business had already been thought of by millions of Americans, Franco immediately became petulant and sullen, but continued to dance.